Redirecting creativity

Not long after I lost my job, a close friend called to check in on me. During our conversation she told me “you were put on this earth to create.” She went on to remind me that there are innumerable ways to be creative: sure, I was an art director, but what does that really mean? I’m not talking about the bullet points of the job description. I’m asking what a job title really tells you intrinsically about a person.

Answer: Not much.

I’m a designer. I’m a potter, a fitness instructor, a college professor (!!!), a yoga practitioner, a writer, and an illustrator. If you listen to the Myers-Briggs personality type indicators, I’ve got a very rich internal universe. If you ask my dogs, they’ll tell you I’m great at having both sides of a conversation. I like stories, and deep conversation, and redecorating my home, if only on a Pinterest board. All that to say, I already know there’s more than one way to be creative.

So, after more than 100 job applications, tailored resumes and cover letters that I'm almost certain no human eyes ever saw, after maxing out my state unemployment benefits, after not having so much as a first-round phone interview…I gave up. Late one Sunday night, I wrote a LinkedIn post about it. It was shockingly well-received. Seems people appreciate my honesty and authenticity.

Of course there were people who told me they’d applied to ten times as many jobs. There was a guy that sent me a post about “Why you shouldn’t post that you’re ‘losing it’ on LinkedIn,” to which I, again, candidly responded to by saying that a) no one’s mental state should be evaluated based on one long-form social media post, and b) if there’s an organization out there that doesn’t appreciate my sense of humor, I probably don’t want to work there anyway (guy did not appreciate my candor). Some people wanted to know what exactly I was hoping to find. They wondered how hard I’d actually tried if I gave up after being on the hunt for a new job for only four months.

Let me tell you, though, those kinds of comments were in the minority. There are so many people experiencing the same frustration, financial insecurity, disbelief and depression as a result of similar situations. I’m not special. But I do hope that airing my grievances showed someone that they aren’t alone. Most people were extremely supportive, happy to see someone [mostly] fearlessly saving their sanity.

What’s more, I went on to explain how I’ve decided to move forward. Every word of encouragement I got from strangers on the internet, old friends and recent co-workers reaffirmed my decision. Simply put, I let myself up off the mat. No one wants to hire me? Fine. I’ll make my own way. Since losing my job, I’ve invested in myself a lot more than I could before. Yes, I’ve got more time on my hands. Yes, I am extremely fortunate to have the support of my family and the health insurance of my husband. But listen, I’ve also battled with depression and anxiety since high school, so I’ve learned the importance of self-awareness and self-care. Sooooo…

I’ve been practicing yoga regularly for more than a year after taking a handful of classes every year before that. I’ve always wanted to take a deeper dive and learn more. I’ve got the time now, so I signed up for yoga teacher training. I start this fall.

I’ve been making pottery for almost two years, and I’ve proud of how much progress I’ve made with my technique. Other people I’ve met in the studio have asked me if I sell my work. You know what? Not yet, but now that’s my goal. I’ve got the time now, so I’m building inventory. I’m planning to participate in local markets starting this fall.

I think I’ve gotten as much (or more) out of teaching a class at Cape Fear Community College as my students. I love explaining how to solve complex problems in ways that my class can understand and watching them light up with their new knowledge. It has been so much fun guiding these kids toward the start of their careers, and seeing so many different paths and ideas and perspectives in one place. Both semesters I’ve taught, my students have asked if I could teach more classes because they’ve learned so much. I’ve got the time now, so I’m teaching a second class. I’m teaching Typography I this fall semester.

Remember that rich internal world being INFJ affords me? I’ve dreamed of being a published writer for as long as I can remember. I wrote my first story in middle school and used to keep spiral notebooks and clipboards of looseleaf full of fiction I’d made up under my bed for years and years. I wrote a book a few years ago. I got brave enough to share it with a few friends that are also big readers. With their encouragement, I decided to try and get it published. I’ve got the time now, so I can figure out how to do that. I sent queries to two different agents today, and have a long list of others to contact next.

This feels…good. And meanwhile, as soon as I ‘gave up,’ an old professional connection reached out and asked me to coffee. She then proceeded to introduce me to three other connections she’d worked with in the past. I’ve since picked up some freelance design work as well. So, for someone that’s generally unemployed…I sure am busy and I’ve got a lot to look forward to. I feel more creative than ever.

I might not be an Art Director anymore, but I’m still A Creative. And for the first time in a long time, I’m excited. Change is difficult, but it doesn’t have to be scary. Gonna go make something now, even if it’s just a mess ; )